"Letters, we get letters" . . .ĒSong from the 60s

The Last Laugh
Wendy Leeds ©2014

Hi Lawton:

I bet youíre surprised to hear from me after all these months, but when I saw your latest post on Facebook, I just had to write and congratulate you on your upcoming nuptials. Cybil Perkins-Smythe looks just like your type Ė a woman whose father owns three fancy downtown restaurants. After all, everybodyís got to eat, right? Anyway, it looks like youíve been eating all right yourself. Like I told my big sister, Lorna, I think those ten extra pounds look good on you.

I want you to know that Iím over what happened last Valentineís Day. I know I said some things I shouldnít, but that was due to the stress of the moment and the fact Iím the kind of girl who likes to speak her mind. Remember?

It took me some time to get over you and what you did to me, but now I see that Lorna was right about the future, as always. Everything does work out for the best in the end, even if things donít seem like it at the time.

Anyway, Iíve been real busy since then. Believe it or not, I got another job almost right away. You know I couldnít go back and face the girls at the Steer Right Steak House, after what happened. Iím sure you remember how sensitive I am about having people laugh at me. Besides, Lorna said it was bad for me to keep living in the past, and I should embrace my future, which it turns out is at Kingís Sand and Gravel Company.

The guy who owns it, Herman King, is one of Lornaís best clients. He comes to see her every week so she can contact the Great Beyond about his worries over the suggestion of business improprieties and various accusations against his three brothers. I donít know if youíve heard about the King brothersí legal difficulties through the years, but nothingís ever been proven, thanks to their connections both with the right people and the Universe in general.

Anyway, a few months ago, just as I realized I couldnít go back to my old job and that my life was over because of you, Lorna started getting messages directly from the Universe. Right in the middle of Hermanís weekly reading, Lorna saw clear as day that Hermanís future was inexorably intertwined with mine.

Now, I know what youíre thinking. Herman isnít my type at all, and I have to admit at first I thought the same thing. After all, heís even older than you, but when Lorna said he was looking for someone to help out in his office, I realized he was my type after all.

You know even though Iíve never worked in an office, Herman hired me without asking me a single question. He just took one look at me in the outfit you used to like so much. The one with the peek-a-boo blouse, the leather pants and those spiky black heels, remember? Herman took one look at me and said I was exactly what he was looking for. The moneyís not as good as the tips I got at the Steer Right, but thereís no heavy lifting and Herman treats me right, which I canít say for everybody!

After that, our luck changed for the better. Lorna and I moved over to a nice little place on the east side of town. We settled in there so nice that I almost forgot about you and what you did to me.

Then, in September, I started seeing your face on TV telling folks why they should vote for you for Congress, because youíre smart and know how to dress like youíre a real Somebody. LOL. Lorna always tells me to turn you off, but I canít help watching and thinking about how I used to think our fates were inexorably intertwined Ė- and how you thought they werenít. But like Lorna always says, ďIt always works out fine in the end. If it isnít fine, it isnít the end.Ē Words to live by, Iíd say.

Did I mention that Herman and I are seeing each other these days? It was the last thing in the world I expected, because, like I said, he isnít exactly my type. It just sort of happened, seeingís as we worked together during the day and sometimes would go out for a drink or dinner afterwards. Then one night he told me I was definitely his type and asked me what I thought about that. I told him I didnít really have a type anymore, not after what you did to me on Valentineís Day.

He seemed real interested in hearing all about it. So I told him how you came into the Steer Right late one night, and when we looked at each other across the late night crowd I felt dizzy and like my pants suddenly got so too tight I could hardly breath. When you came over and said ďhi,Ē I told you right then and there that you were my type, and let you buy me a Stinger. Then we sat around for hours, singing along with Elvis, dancing some, and finally heading to your limo for the backseat cha-cha.

We got along good for three months, liking Elvis and vodka and the backseat and all. And then the girls at the Steer Right started saying I should ask you to marry me. They said even nice girls like me do the asking these days, and after all, I wasnít going to be this young and this good-looking forever. Lorna didnít see it that way but, like I said, Iíve always been a girl who likes to takes her chances and speak my mind.

So, the girls put together that real romantic dinner for the two of us after closing Valentineís Day. Remember? I was wearing red silk and got some champagne to put you in mood, which it did. You showed me how much you liked the silk and you drank the champagne without complaints, even though it was domestic, now didnít you!

I told Herman how the girls were all in the kitchen waiting to hear what happened. I told him how I proposed. I told him HOW YOU LAUGHED AT ME and how that broke me down into little pieces.

Remember that, Lawton?

I do!

Anyway, when I got to that part of how you laughed at me, I started to choke up and Herman got thoughtful and kind of sweet looking which is hard to do with a face like his. He asked if he could somehow fix it so I didnít have to feel so bad about what you did to me, was it possible I could be his type? He said it so nice I realized it was possible after all. When I told him that, he patted my hand, real gentle like. He said I should stop worrying my pretty little head about all that unpleasantness in my past and start looking to our futures, which we both agreed were going to be inexorably intertwined for years to come.

Anyway, just when I got fully focused on the future, I saw your engagement announcement. Now hereís the funny part, when I told Herman you were getting married, he smiled and said he knew all about it. Not only that, he knew how much you owe on your Mercedes, that you take a 16Ēx36Ē shirt and if you donít lay off the cheesecake your cholesterolís going over 300.

When I asked him if he was getting messages from the Great Beyond about you, he said ďno,Ē he was getting messages from his brothers. It turns out the King brothers know everyone, including some of your nearest and dearest. Maybe youíve heard of his oldest brother. Henry is serving his third term as Sheriff of Teldrick County.

Their brother, Harvey, owns Kingís Lawn and Garden Center that backs up to Hermanís Cement and Gravel. It was in the news last year about how his second wife was found dead in a dry bathtub. Harry is a butcher on the South side. There are still questions about how his business partner just up and vanished ten years ago. But, like I said, the King brothers are proud to tell you that nothing has ever been proven.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I feel very certain that things are going to work out just fine for me. Now that Herman and his brothers are taking care of me I know for sure no one will laugh at me again.

So on June 18, as you and Cybil cut into your wedding cake and you raise your glass of imported Champagne to toast your future, think of me, Herman, and his brothers.

Weíll be thinking of you,


x x x

Nice bunch of folks, the King brothers; reminds me of some other families I used to know. So, whadja think of this epistolary short story? Did you enjoy it as much as I did? Let everyone know on our BBS Ė or else.. -GM

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