Adam Sandler was upset. It had been a few months since he'd gotten an acting gig, and that had only been a bit part in Rob Schneider's new movie, where all he got to say was 'You can do it!'. Adding to his troubles, his live-in girlfriend, Sheila, had packed up and left the night before, leaving him to brood alone in the huge and dark two bedroom house.

The DirecTV wasn't helping either, he frowned. Over nine hundred channels, and he couldn't find a single one airing one of his movies. But he did find plenty of references to That Other Guy. Almost angry enough to take a bite out of his remote, he watched with growing envy the beginning of the thirty minute commercial touting his nemesis' new movie. "Zoolander? More like Pooh-lander, if you ask me!" Adam cursed, fuming at the other actor's comedic poses. "What the hell is wrong with that guy? I'm ten times the actor he is!" He thought of his own visage briefly. "And just who told him he was good looking enough to be a super model, anyway? Talk about reaching for the sky!"

Through the flicker of the screen, he looked to the coffee table, over which stood an impressive collection of beer cans. Methodically, Adam began knocking them over, one by one, until he found the one that still contained beer. "That guy's uglier than my Aunt Martha." He muttered, gulping the fluid down. "And that is as ugly as it gets." Having said this, the actor leaned his head back into the plush couch, and dozed off.

Sometime later, he was awakened by noises coming from the kitchen. Thinking that perhaps Sheila had returned to make up with him, Adam clumsily stood up and trudged over, leaning against the door frame to balance himself as he reached over to flip on the light. "I left the fridge door open?" He mused, flooding the expansive kitchen with a bright white glare.

Dozens of little elves, dressed in pointy little red hats and vests, scattered about on the ceramic tile floor like surprised roaches. "Flee! Flee!" One squealed in fright.

The little miscreants, Adam noticed, were carrying off the contents of his refrigerator like ants at a picnic buffet. "Hey! What are you doing with my stuff? Put back my baloney!"

A wizened, silvery bearded elf stepped forward, holding his arms out soothingly. "No need to fear the human. He is still inebriated. Just be sure to stay out of his stride."

"Who are you, Papa Smurf?" Adam asked, right before returning to the living room to check the born-on date on his beer cans. When he returned. he was puzzled to find the tiny elves still looting his food. "Alright, the beers still fresh, and I think I'm still sane, so somebody better tell me WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!!"

The older elf stood in his way, right up to his knee. "I am Kuros, from the Elven nation of Elvenistan."

"I don't drink Coors." Adam shook his head. "And as for Afghanistan, I know you guys are malnourished, but this is ridiculous!" He turned towards one particularly industrious elf. "HEY! THAT'S MY CATSUP YOU'RE STEALING! PUT IT BACK, NOW!!"

"We've come to gather foodstuff for the coming winter." Kuros explained. "We must take it back to our underground settlement."

"Oh, we'll just see about that!" Adam snapped, snatching up the old elf, then quickly corralling a few more. "Taking my food like this is the Elves R Us grocery store." He muttered, picking them up by their collars. "Now, what am I going to do with you guys?" He glanced around, then stuffed them into the microwave. After snapping the door shut, he peered into the near empty fridge. "HEY! WHERE'S MY BLUE CHEESE!! SOMEBODY BETTER BRING ME BACK MY BLUE CHEESE!!" Sensing the anger in his voice, the remaining elves dropped their booty and scurried away into the nearest cracks and shadows.

"I MEAN IT!!" Adam hollered. "I'M GOING TO COUNT TO THREE BEFORE I FRY PAPA SMURF HERE!!" When none came forward, Adam stalked back to the microwave. He cracked it open. "Guess nobody loves you guys. You think you'll go better with Caesar of Italian dressing?"

Some of the elves shrieked, but Kuros stood firm. "You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, yeah?" Adam answered, punching in digits. "Then why am I setting this on high power?"

"Oh, very well!" Kuros stammered. "If you allow us to leave in peace, I will grant you a wish."

"What?"

"A wish, you dolt!"

"Any wish?"

Solemnly, Kuros crossed his arms and nodded.

"Okay, I wish Ben Stiller's penis disappeared." Adam dared the elf, then reconsidered. "No, scratch that! I wish that I was the best actor in my genre!"

"So be it." The elf said, pulling a small magic wand from his pocket, and pricking Adam's finger with it. "There."

"Oww!" Adam winced, but his voice sounded different. "What just happened?"

The elves pushed open the microwave, then hurriedly climbed down the counter, and within seconds, they had disappeared completely.

"Stupid elves!" Adam scolded, then hurried towards the nearest mirror to see what they had done to him. With his wider than normal stride, he reached the downstairs bathroom and clicked on the light. "Nooo! Nooo! NOOO!" He cried out, because the face in the mirror was not his own, but that of Jim Carrey.

In the backyard, Kuros commanded his elves to quickly enter the small tunnel which led back to their underground village.

One of his underlings turned back to ask, "Why the commotion back there?"

Kuros paused from munching on a crumb of cheese, then shrugged his shoulders. "These humans, you give them what they want, and they're still not happy. Go figure."